


Unexpected Unicorns

by Kelkat9



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe, Crack, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Mythology - Freeform, Unicorns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-24 00:37:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13799691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelkat9/pseuds/Kelkat9
Summary: The Doctor and Rose are turned into unicorns and have an adventure.





	Unexpected Unicorns

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hellostarlight20](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellostarlight20/gifts), [hanluvr (Bria)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bria/gifts).



> This fic was inspired partly by the troubles on AO3 and their amusing unicorn links which didn't work. Also inspired by a convo with the lovely hellostarlight and Bria, and the Irish Rover Unicorn song ;)

The scent of sweet green grass tempted Rose as she raced forward across the plain of tall blue-green grass moving like an ocean in the breeze.  All four of her silver hooves, danced across the plain in a rhythm that reminded her of an old song her mum used to play. 

God, her mum would be slapping the shit out of the Doctor if he saw her daughter as one of the unicorns the  _ Irish Rovers _ sang about.

She entered the thick tree trunked forest and under the cool canopy slowed.  The Doctor leapt over a fallen trunk next to her prancing in his own magnificent four-legged form, dark brown mane a tousled mess not unlike his hair in his Time Lord body.

“I think we lost them,” he said followed by a whinnying sound.  He shook his mane, his single silver, spiraled horn reflecting a stray beam of sunlight, reflecting a blue tip.

“Did they turn your sonic into your horn?”  Rose asked with a snort and whinny of her own.

“Oi watch it!  And what’s with the rainbow mane?”  He ambled over and nuzzled her multi colored mane which she’d only glimpsed.  Spying a pond, she walked over to admire herself.

“I look gorgeous!”  She angled her head and walked forward to get the whole reflection. “My tail is so full and look sparkles!  I’ve got rainbow and sparkles!  And look at the rainbow tattoo on my hind quarters.  Looks a bit spiffy against my white coat.”

“What about me?” his voice squeaked as he ambled toward the pond.

“You’re still sort of brown although--” She cocked her head to the side.  “You have a lovely tattoo too.”

“What?  Where?”  He turned himself around splashing his dark hooves into the pond creating ripples.

“On your hind quarter like mine.”  She turned her back side toward him and flicked him in the face with her tail.

“Watch the tail!”  Rose giggled and plodded forward.

“You deserve it.  You’re the reason those Leprechauns turned us into unicorns.”

“They over reacted!” He replied and sniffed as he finally got a glimpse of his own tattoo, a golden hour glass.  “A bit retro and totally not representative of a Time Lord.  Honestly, those Lepraconis are--”

“Doctor,” Rose interrupted him, before he uttered another insult which said Lepreconis, who had extremely fine hearing, might respond to by turning them into something worse than unicorns.

“Let’s not piss off the very charming and green Leprechauns.”  She pulled back her unicorn lips in an attempt to smile, showing a toothy unicorn grin.

“They’re Lepraconis, Rose and ones who overreacted.”

“You soniced their field of four -leafed clovers and mocked their pot of gold.”

“Pot of gold?  Rose, it was a kettle of golden mice that you know, excreted gold nuggets supplying the nearby town with currency.  They were hoarding it.”

“Golden shite,” Rose said in a deadpan voice. 

“Alien world, different, you know economics.”  He walked around flicking his tail indignantly.  “Greed and avarice is the same everywhere.”

Rose sighed and followed him on his amble through the woods, admiring his finely tailed arse.  Funny how some things translated to being trans mutated into a unicorn.  She stopped.  Oh, she did not just think that.  She shook out her mane again.  Must not think about unicorn arse or Time Lord arse. 

“Rose, I think I know where we are.”

“In a unicorn forest.”  She stared forward into the blue eyes of a magnificent black unicorn stallion, silver horn glinting in the sunlight as a herd of unicorns gathered around him.

“Ah yes.  Best make nice with the locals.  Hello!  I’m the Doctor and this is Rose.”  The Doctor’s charm did not translate to unicorn.  Rose sighed as they were herded toward a unicorn enclave.  The Doctor continued to babble.

“There’s no reason to be rude.  We’re not here to cause harm or disrespect your unicorniness.”  He yelped as one of the lavender males nipped him on the hind quarters.  Rose bit her lip trying not to snicker. 

The black leader trotted beside her.  “He yours?” he asked in a gruff unicorn voice.

“Yeah, afraid so.  He doesn’t mean any harm.  He just can’t help himself with the talking.”  The black stallion snorted and shook out his mane with silver streaks.

“You’re not from around here.”

“No, we’re not.  To be honest we’re not exactly your kind. We’re travelers who ran across some rude and possibly thieving Leprechauns and they sort of turned us into this form.”

“Greedy Lepraconis.” he growled and narrowed his light blue eyes. 

“The Doctor and me tried to intervene when we learned they were hoarding mice.  They didn’t exactly appreciate that and well you’ve heard the Doctor.”

They pushed through a vine covered opening into a valley, blue sky shimmering with a rainbow.

“Oh, it’s beautiful!” Rose breathed and kicked up her hind legs trotting forward and spun around, noting the sparkling water falls on one side of the valley.  Her mouth watered at the fragrant grass.  It had been almost a day since she ate and she was a bit peckish.  Maybe just a nibble…

“This way,” the leader unicorn ordered.  She sighed and followed him noting the Doctor’s absence. 

“I’m gonna have to rescue his unicorn arse,” she grumbled.  “He so owes me for this.”

Under the shade of a giant tree stretching upward into the sky near the water falls, she met several older unicorns, one a delightful shade of light green with dark green mane and another golden with silver mane.  A few others in various shades of blues, purples, oranges and yellows focused on her.

“Right, so I’m Theta the Black and me and the rest of this lot are the leaders of our herd.  We decide what goes on in our domain,” the black unicorn stallion advised her.  “Everyone, this is Rose.  She’s in trouble.  Her companion’s a bit mouthy so we’re leaving him out of this.  The Lepraconis have crossed the line and it’s time for action.”

Rose listened to the unicorns’ debate.  Sometimes Theta the Black’s horn would glow in frustration as he stomped around, shaking his mane or flicking his tale.  A basket of green grass and apples was brought for Rose to nibble on.

Unicorn diplomacy wasn’t so different from things she’d observed on other worlds.  She collapsed down, nibbled and listened.  Finally, Theta the Black knelt next to her.

“Want to add anything?”  He bumped his nose with hers as he stole an apple she had nibbled on.  Rose’s unicorn cheeks heated and she swore there was a twinkle in his blue eyes.  He reminded her of her first Doctor, all lithe muscles, blustering and grousing but with a soft-hearted look in his eyes.  But he wasn’t and her Doctor presently was locked up in some unicorn prison.

“Look, I know you think we’re the problem but trouble was all ready stirring when we arrived.  We were trying to help.”

“You’ve started a war!” a dark eyed mare with a shimmer of red in her otherwise gray mane accused.

“The war was already started,” Rose retorted, head lifted high.  “The villagers’ economy is collapsing.  They’ve lost trade with other places because they have no currency and crops and goods only go so far.  They need to buy supplies like medicines.”

“Let the villagers die!” The mare rose up and pawed her hooves into the ground.  “They hunted our kind almost into extinction.  The world is better without them!”  Several older unicorns whinnied their agreement.

“And what about those apples you’re enjoying?” Theta the Black stood up face to face with the contentious unicorn elder.  “Seems to me, you fancy their produce.  You raid the groves and fields without one shot fired.  And that’s because of the truce and agreement we made.  We give them manure to toil their fields and we get rights as long as we don’t get greedy like certain short green misers.” 

“But not if the villagers leave.”  Rose saw her chance.  “That’s the point.  Everyone has to work together.  The Doctor and me were trying to get the mice free and back to the villagers when we got unicorned.”  She paused and groaned.  Was that even a word?

“Maybe there’s a reason,” Theta the Black announced.  “They tried to curse you but it backfired.”  A ginger unicorn with a rainbow horn ambled over.

“It’s a sign.  She’s true of heart and even the babbling idiot with the mark of time and whirring horn of blue doom seems significant.”

“Whirring horn of blue doom,” Rose repeated, giggling and pawing a hoof into the ground.

“It’s a menace!” the ginger unicorn exclaimed.  “He nearly destroyed the waterfall and exploded our basket of sacred pears.”

“That sounds like the Doctor.  Sorry, he’s a bit sonic happy and pears make him cranky,” she said with unicorn smirk.

“He needs to be gone.”

“But you can stay,” Theta the Black added.  “If you want.”

“That’s really nice of you but the Doctor and me are sort of a team.  Saving the universe is our thing and it’d be easier back in our original form.”

“Bipedal menace!” the ginger mare snorted.

“Yeah, sort of,” Rose agreed.  “But not all the time.  Sometimes we help people and ever one lives and finds their way.  Sort of like we want for all of you.  But we have to defeat the Lepraconis first.”

“I might have a plan for that,” Theta the Black stated with a pleased tilt of his head.

Eventually they allowed Rose to see the Doctor who was jailed in the branches of a sentient weeping willow type tree.

“Rose,” he called out grunting and snorting as vines wrapped around him.  “Don’t come any closer.”

Theta the Black trotted up and nuzzled a branch.  The tree’s branches sprang back, releasing the Doctor who tumbled forward.

“I’ll see you later, Rose,” He bumped his head against the side of hers and trotted off.  The Doctor’s horn glowed and the ground vibrated.

“Doctor, get a grip or they’ll put you back in the willow.”  The trees branches shook with menace as the Doctor huffed and shook out his mane, the glow and vibrations diminishing.

“He…he nuzzled you!” he gasped.

“Oh, yeah, that’s Theta the Black.  He’s one of the leaders.  He’s a bit…nice.  For a unicorn I mean.”  She ducked her head, not looking at the Doctor but all too aware how he moved closer to her.

“He should mind his nuzzling.”  This was followed by a very Doctor sniff as he bumped against her.  “We need to get out of here and back to the Lepraconis.  I’m sure I can fix this but I need to be near their lair to undo the transmutation beam.”

“The unicorns are gonna help us.  Theta the Black promised.  I think he’s getting his group together to march on the Lepraconis and free the mice.  I think he might be working on some old alliance with the villagers.”

“I suppose that makes sense.”  The petulant tone only endeared him to Rose.

“It’s not been so bad being a unicorn,” Rose reasoned and flicked her tail at him in teasing.  He met her gaze and twitched his ears.

“I could do with less itching and my mane is all tangled.  He shuddered.  Rose moved closer and began licking and tugging at his mane to arrange it more to his liking.  He made a low whinnying sound and his muscles rippled at her ministrations.

“Better?” Her husky unicorn voice said into his twitching ears.

“Much.   Thank you.”  Noses touched and a slight sigh left Rose at the velvety sensation of how he pressed against her nose.

“Time to go!”  Theta the Black commanded, interrupting them.

“Yes,” the Doctor said with a high-pitched whinny and cleared his throat.  “Off we go then.  The sooner we get back to our routine the better.”

Rose sighed, again eyeing his unicorn tailed arse.  “Yeah.”

They galloped forward back to the copse of trees where the Lepraconis fortress was.  The villagers met them there and they surrounded their adversaries who tossed a few sparkling bombs at them which the villagers quickly extinguished. 

It was the Doctor who finally shifted the tense standoff.  With a little focused unicorn horn sonicing, the fortress trembled and crashed inward.  The Lepraconis fled and were apprehended.

“Not bad,” Theta the Black admitted.  “For a trans mutated unicorn,” he added and trotted forward to accept the Lepraconis surrender.

“Not bad!” the Doctor retorted.  “I am the oncoming sonic unicorn!  I mean the universe convulsed once when I--”

“Doctor,” Rose intervened and flicked him with her tail.  “Let’s just get back to normal, yeah?”

“Fine,” he muttered and together they trotted forward.  In a flash they were back to themselves.  The Doctor enveloped Rose in a hug and lifted her up whirling them around.

And then he dropped her and winced.  “My head still itches!  I’m infested!”

Rose sighed and began running her fingers through his hair scraping at his scalp until he was a puddle of Time Lord goo in her hands.  “We’ll get this sorted and back on the TARDIS.  Just let me say goodbye.”

“To Theta the Black?” Definitely Jealous Rose thought at the sharp words and squinty look he directed at the unicorn.

“You off then?” Theta the Black asked as Rose walked up, her trainers sinking into the grass. 

“Yeah, but I wanted to thank you for taking us in and giving us a chance.”

“We don’t turn on our backs on those in need.”  He moved his tall unicorn frame closer to her.  “Especially cute rainbow mares who I would have been happy to have in my herd.”  He bumped his soft nose against her cheek and Rose flushed.

“Even if her companion is a sonic menace?” Rose teased.

“I heard that!” the Doctor called in the distance.

“Yeah, I’d have put up with him for a bit.  You sure you don’t want to stay?  I could have the greedy wankers turn you back.  Might be a better life.”

“Thanks, I mean I liked being a unicorn and all but this is who I am.  Besides, the Doctor and me, we’re a pair if you know what I mean.”  He flared his nostrils and bowed his head.

“IF you ever change your mind, you know where to find me.”  With one final nose bump he turned and trotted off bellowing out commands.

She watched, lost in thought as the Doctor’s fingers linked with hers.  “Ready to go home?”

“To a long hot bath,” Rose said with a sigh.

“And a good scrub of the hair or maybe a sonicing.”  He scratched his head and winced.

“Let’s give the sonic a rest.  I’m sure we can manage.”

“Together, you mean.  As in you and me in the bath and mutual scrubbing--” He trailed off.

“If you’re a good time unicorn, maybe I’ll even do your tail.”  She winked and suddenly the Doctor couldn’t get back to the TARDIS fast enough.

  
  


 


End file.
